I am meant to be the damn lighthouse, not the lifeboat

The blue moon on the 31st May has stirred something deep within me and it has been really uncomfortable. I had a tough weekend last week at the Witchy Campout, when my integrity was publicly thrown into question, and it came from absolutely nowhere. So I took myself away from the situation, popped the Institute of Witches on pause and spent this week meditating on it. Not blaming myself as I would have done in the past but trying to work out where I was allowing people to challenge my worth.

For the last several months I have run an event around the full moon. As I’d not planned anything in advance, I hurriedly decided to run an online meet. I created the event, painted the imagery (by hand as I didn’t want to use AI) did the usual promo online and had a few sign-ups - but it didn’t feel right, it felt clunky and inauthentic. So I cancelled and went to the pub with my hubby instead!

I’d called the event the Blue Moon at the Lighthouse and it would have been explaining the movement from the month of May, which is Gold energy - into June, which is Yellow. From Self-worth to Joy. Sovereignty to optimism and a time for setting boundaries.  

The month of May has taught me about my own worth, both energetically and financially. It has given me a tough lesson in setting boundaries, and I think the hardest lesson has been accepting that my worth is not determined by whether everyone else understands it. For those of you who have not come across my colour system before - Gold is the Toxic City - the place of contradictions, a place of abundance, bright lights, opportunity, but also a place of greed, judgement and selfish entitlement.

And that's when I realised where the previous weekend had gone wrong. What should have been a time when I was feeling proud of my achievements became a time when I felt misunderstood, attacked and had my honesty thrown into question. And that was what hurt so much, as one of my strongest values is around justice and fairness. It was visceral, as if I had been physically attacked, and that frightened me a little.

So I realised I have spent much of my life organising, fixing, creating, supporting and carrying. Somewhere along the way I'd become the lifeboat.

Situations would happen and I'd be the one rushing out in all weathers, rescuing people, situations and events, exhausting myself in the process.

And that's when I realised I am meant to be the damn lighthouse, not the lifeboat. I need to stand in my place, shining, guiding, but staying rooted, grounded and stoic.

Thank goodness we are now into June, where the energy shifts dramatically, towards joy, optimism, freedom and a place where we can really breathe - we cross the Yellow Bridge to playfulness, and hope.

Yellow in my colour system is within the liminal realm, a threshold between one state and another. I am no longer the person who entered the bridge. But I’m not yet the person who I will become. Because a bridge is not the destination. It exists to help people to cross.

I am now standing on the white shingle rest stop, breathing in the fresh air, looking from the hillside over the Golden City - towards the Coral Beach and the safety of the Red House - looking backwards to where I have been and also forwards at the same time. I do not need all the answers at this point, just perspective, direction and my very own moral compass.

I know I have much more of my journey yet to travel and there will be hard times ahead, but this whole situation has given me the confidence that I do not become who I am meant to be by proving my worth. I become myself by recognising it.

If you’d like to join me on my journey or find out more - join my online Coven at www.raychel.co.uk/coven where I share my colour system and explain how it works, through colour and creativity.

The book The Adventures of Rayne-Beau ~ Soul Ranger is available to buy now from my website along with an activity book and my Colour Journey Journal - where you can discover your own purpose and travel through the powerful energies of colour.

May you turn your darkness into light, your chaos into calm, and your feelings into your fiercest kind of magic.

The White Lighthouse in the Blue Moon